


COCKROACH!!!

by hhf23



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Cockroaches, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25626445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhf23/pseuds/hhf23
Summary: If there’s one thing the Avengers all are afraid of, it’s cockroaches. Well…everyone except Natasha.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	COCKROACH!!!

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted on my tumblr and I decided to post this here too cuz why not.

“OH MY GOSHHHHH!!! STEVE!!! STEVE HURRY OHMYFUCKINGGOSH!!” Bucky shrieked at five thirty in the morning.

“WHAT?!? WHAT’S WRONG BUCKY?!?” Steve gasped as he came running into the common room. Steve saw Bucky standing on top of the kitchen counter holding a spatula in one hand and a frying pan in the other, in nothing but his sleep shorts. “Whahahat ihihis hahahappening?!?”

“Shut up!! Don’t laugh! This isn’t funny!!” Bucky cried as he began to search for something. “There was this HUGE ASS cockroach running around!!”

Steve began to laugh so hard tears formed in his eyes. Bucky had always been scared of cockroaches and over-exaggerated each time he saw a tiny one.

“I’m sure it was small.” Steve gasped as he stopped laughing.

“No!! It wasn’t!!” Bucky whined. “It was HUGE!!! OH MY FUCKING GOSH THERE IT IS!!”

Steve looked behind him and saw the world largest B-52 cockroach he has ever seen. “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!” Steve shrieked as he jumped away from the wall and grabbed one of Bucky’s combat boots.

“NO! NOT MY BOOTS ASSHOLE!” Bucky shouted. “I WEAR THOSE!”

“WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO USE?!?” Steve cried.

“A FUCKING POT OR PAN?!” Bucky retorted.

“WE COOK WITH THOSE!!” Steve replied.

“YOU CAN CLEAN IT!!” Bucky shot back.

“SAME WITH YOUR BOOTS!!” Steve replied as Sam and Clint came into the room.

“What’s the fuss about?” Clint asked before he began giggling. “Guys! Look at the super soldiers on top of the kitchen counter!”

“CLINT! COCKROACH ABOVE YOU!!” Sam cried as he dove for the couch and sat down digging around under the cushions for his hidden gun.

“What?” Wanda asked as she looked to where the three men were staring. “OH HELL NO!!” she gasped as she ran to her room. “You’re dealing with that bug I’m not!”

“WANDA!!” Clint shouted.

“I’M A LADY CLINT! I DON’T DO ROACHES!!” Wanda replied as she slammed her door waking up Tony and Bruce.

“Ughh…morning Green Beans…what is all the shouting about?” Tony asked rubbing his eyes.

“Dunno. Let’s go see…” Bruce replied as he put on his glasses.

“OHMYGOSHRUN!!” Clint shouted as everyone ran around the common room.

“Where did it go??” Sam asked nervously. “It was on the wall a second ago…”

“IT FUCKING FLEW AT ME!!” Bucky cried as he huddled close to Steve almost clinging to him.

“I swear if this is some sort of cruel joke…” Steve laughed nervously.

“What is happening?” Tony asked.

“Cockroach! Huge cockroach!” Clint replied as he shook with fear holding a fire extinguisher.

“Seriously? There’s no roach in here…” Bruce deadpanned as he sat on the couch only to be met with a giant roach flying in his face.

“THERE IT IS!!” Sam cried.

“OHHHHKAY!! NOPE!! GOODBYE!!” Bruce shouted as he ran down the hall back to the safety of his room.

“Really??” Tony asked as he grabbed a newspaper. He took one good look at the roach and screamed as it moved. “OHHH MY!! IT’S UGLY!!”

Bucky ran to his room and grabbed his AK-47 assault rifle and aimed it at the bug. “Should I??” he asked as they watched it crawl down the wall.

“Yeah go for it!” Tony replied. “I don’t care if you put a hole in my floor as long as the bug is dead!”

Bucky sat as close as possible to the cockroach and fired a bullet at it only for the roach to come scrambling to him.

“AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! FUCK!!! OH MY GOSH NO!! GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!!” Bucky screeched as the team howled with laughter. “AAAGHH!! FUCK THIS SHIT!!! I DIDN’T GET MY MEMORIES BACK FOR THIS FUCKER TO CRAWL UP MY PANTS!!”

The cockroach apparently had crawled into Bucky’s shorts and fell out when Bucky jumped around like a kangaroo and shook his leg leaving the team crying with laughter. Bucky scrambled to the far side of the room and was literally almost crying from fear.

“OH GOHOSH THAHAT WAS TOO FUCKING FUHUHUNNY!!” Sam cackled as Steve convulsed on the floor.

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY!!!” Bucky whimpered. “YOU GO AND KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!!”

“What is happening now?” Peter asked as he looked at the cockroach crawling to him. “NOOOOOOO!!!!” Peter jumped up to the ceiling and crawled over to the team laughing in the far corner of the room. “MR. STARK DO SOMETHING!!”

“I’m not touching that thing! It’s HUGE!” Tony replied. “WANDA MAXIMOFF GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND CONTROL THAT BUG WITH YOUR MIND AND TOSS IT OUT THE WINDOW!!”

“MY POWERS DON’T WORK ON BUGS TONY!” Wanda shouted. “GET NAT TO KILL IT! SHE ISN’T AFRAID OF BUGS!!”

Sam suddenly worked up his bravery and did a neck roll in preparation. “Okay! I’m going in for the kill guys! I’m taking one for the team! Now I might die…” he said jumping on his toes.

“We won’t mourn you Icarus…” Tony replied as the group chuckled.

Sam began to approach the roach with his shoe in hand and gave the insect a good whack but it flew. “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” he screamed as everyone scattered once again leaving the cockroach to land on the couch.

Steve threw his shield at the roach and it flew again. “OHHHHMYGOSHNO!! I CAN’T WITH THIS ANYMORE!!” Steve cried as he jumped into Bucky’s arms using the shield to cover them.

“What is happening out here??” Natasha asked as she suddenly saw a giant flying cockroach fly by her face. “Ohhh I see….quick! Gimme that Jesus slipper!”

Bucky dropped Steve and tossed her Peter’s ugly Jesus slipper. With a loud smash, Natasha killed the flying roach and tossed it out of the window leaving the rest of the team speechless.

“Seriously? You all are terrified of cockroaches?” Natasha asked in shock. “Those aren’t as scary as killing scorpions!”

Sam glared. “Well I had a traumatic experience with roaches before!”

“Bucky and I did too back in the thirties. A large roach flew into our room and landed on my leg and flew into Bucky’s mouth.” Steve explained.

“Ewwwww!” the team groaned.

“Yeah. That’s why we can’t even go near a roach.” Bucky added.

“Well I’m just scared of bugs.” Peter replied.

“But you’re Spider-Man!” Clint gasped.

“Not Cockroach-Man…” Peter replied as he slapped Clint in the arm.

“See boys? Just gotta use the Jesus slipper to kill it!” Natasha giggled as she tossed the roach gut covered footwear at the boys.

“EEEEEEEKKKKK!!!” they all squealed as they ran away from the Jesus slipper. “NATASHA!! THAT WASN’T FUNNY!!”

Natasha just walked away laughing at how scared all the men were of cockroaches. “Rhodey, teach Tony how to man up and kill roaches…”

Rhodey’s eyes widened. “Uhhh…well you see, in college we had a roach incident and we woke up to giant flying roaches in our food…that’s why he can’t kill them anymore. We used to be pros but not after getting a roach flying out of a cereal box…”

“OH MY GOSH!” Natasha groaned.

The Avengers, the most fierce superheros were all terrified of a bug known as the flying cockroach…yeah some superheros they are.

“I’m not kidding.” Rhodey chuckled.

“I know…” Natasha replied. “It was hilarious though! Steve and Bucky were terrified!”


End file.
